What To Actually Expect When It Comes To Postpartum

When I had my oldest daughter Grace, I felt like I was as prepared as possible to become a mom. My husband and I had been happily married for five years, I had a ton of experience taking care of children, we were financially secure, and I was at the end of my training to become a pediatrician.

As I look back on this day, almost 15 years later, what really stands out is that I had no idea about what to expect it was going to be like to be postpartum.

It seemed like everything was much harder than it should be.

We had everything planned out and ready before I delivered, including her name, pediatrician, nursery, clothes, supplies (three baby showers were thrown on my behalf!), and breastfeeding equipment. I knew exactly how long I was going to take for maternity leave (ten weeks) and we had daycare for Grace lined up for when I returned to work as a pediatric resident.

My husband and I took a prenatal class at our local hospital. We must have learned a lot about what to expect during labor and delivery, but all I can remember learning is "T.A.C.O." This acronym was to help my husband remember how to report the circumstances around my water breaking to my obstetrician: T = time, A = amount, C = color, O= odor. Ironically, my water did break before I went into labor, but it was such a small trickle that I thought that I was just peeing myself every so often! I ended up having to be induced for "prolonged rupture of membranes," but my labor and delivery went very smoothly.

Unfortunately, breastfeeding did not go so smoothly. When we were discharged from the hospital two days after Grace's birth, I needed to use a nipple shield to help her to latch and had to pump after every feed. She required supplementary bottles of pumped milk after every nursing attempt due to jaundice.

The day after we got home (my third day postpartum) we had five visitors come to spend the day with us: my mom, my in-laws, my best friend, and her husband.

As I look back on this day, almost 15 years later, what really stands out is that I had no idea about what to expect it was going to be like to be postpartum. I had spent so much time during my pregnancy preparing for Grace's needs as a newborn that I had not prepared for my own needs as a mother. I spent time and energy doing things like memorizing what T.A.C.O. stood for, but did not think, or even know to expect, that I would have my own postpartum needs.

As I imagine myself sitting up in my loft and trying to feed my hungry newborn baby, I want to scream at everyone who was there to go home. I want to grab my husband and bring him up to the loft to be with me and support me. And I want to be able to give my 28-year-old self a huge hug and tell her that her feelings are valid, that it is super hard to have a newborn, and that it's totally okay to ask everyone to leave to be able to focus on breastfeeding. When I think back to this day, this quote by Maya Angelou often comes to mind:

I share my story often as I now know that I am not the only woman who was unprepared for (and had unrealistic expectations for) the postpartum period. Since having Grace I have met countless other moms who had similar postpartum experiences. This was exemplified in Aeroflow Breastpumps' recent survey of almost 400 mothers about the "First 42 Days" of postpartum recovery.

Based on these survey results, it's clear that we still have a long way to go in terms of preparing pregnant women for their postpartum journeys. We need to increase awareness of the postpartum period as being a time of great physical, mental, and emotional transition for new moms and help mothers to prepare "postpartum plans" in addition to "birth plans."

Figure out who your "village" is going to be to help you after your baby arrives. This is usually some combination of family, parents, friends, and neighbors. Once you've identified your village's members, chat with them, and brainstorm how they will be able to help you. This can be with simple things, like coming over to help fold laundry, or more complicated endeavors, like arranging a "meal train" so that you will not have to worry about cooking for the first few weeks at home. Forming a village might be a little more complicated in the era of "social distancing," but your friends and loved ones can still do things like shop and drop off groceries, order takeout, and mow the lawn for you.

Taking care of yourself will help you to heal and recover and make you a better mom.

Learn about all of the changes your body will go through. Common physical postpartum symptoms include vaginal and rectal pain, bleeding, uterine cramps, and edema (swelling). Prepare ahead of time for the items that you will need for your own physical recovery, such as sitz baths and Peri-bottles. Frida Mom and MOMBOX sell ready-made kits for postpartum recovery and Aeroflow Breastpumps sells both postpartum recovery garments and breastfeeding/lactation supplies. Lastly, the book The Forgotten Trimester, by Megan Gray, MD, is an excellent guide to postpartum care.

Explore your postpartum resources ahead of time. UNC's 4th trimester project's New Mom Health website has a wealth of resources for new moms. Other helpful websites for new moms include Postpartum Support International and kellymom.com. There has been an increasing number of virtual support groups for new moms during the COVID-19 pandemic, as well. If you are planning on breastfeeding, it's a good idea to research local lactation consultants, and you may find ones who offer prenatal visits to help prepare for breastfeeding ahead of time.

Postpartum doulas can be a wonderful source of support as well. Many doula companies are offering virtual support during the pandemic and, depending on the area of the U.S. you live in, some are able to come into your home to help with both newborn care and household tasks.

We need to increase awareness of the postpartum period as being a time of great physical, mental, and emotional transition for new moms and help mothers to prepare "postpartum plans" in addition to "birth plans."

Lastly, remember to love and take care of yourself. Make time for small breaks doing things you love. This can be as simple as sitting outside in the sun, going for a walk, taking a bath, or getting a massage. Taking care of yourself will help you to heal and recover and make you a better mom.

Anyone who tells you that the postpartum period is easy is lying, has never had a baby, or had their baby(ies) so long ago that they've blocked this period of time out in their memories!