Kendra Kirane

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The inner critic isn’t always gentle or kind, but it can serve a purpose. A concept often referred to in popular psychology as the superego, the inner critic can be experienced as a judging inner monologue comprised of internalized ideas. This storytelling process may or may not be entirely conscious.
In many cases, the inner critic highlights important and constructive aspects of the self, keeping people on their toes, growing, and even safe during difficult times. Yet for others, the inner critic teases, judges, and makes the person feel small. This can impact the way someone feels and thinks about themselves and the way they move through the world. Ultimately, this affects their actions, and therefore, life. 
We all have an inner critic – it’s just that for some, the inner critic has such a loud voice that it’s hard to hear anything else.
Calibrating the right volume and tone of the inner critic is not so easy to achieve. It certainly isn’t just people who are actively engaged in psychotherapy treatment who struggle with this inner negative voice.
As a licensed psychotherapist currently working at Wellbridge Addiction Treatment and Research, I have heard many patients describe an inner critic that sounds like a bully taking over the mind. When our inner critic becomes the only voice we hear, those negative thoughts can impact our self-worth. It can be incredibly useful to start asking yourself – Where does this voice really come from? In my professional experience, the answer is often threefold:
 1) "Myself."
2) "It sounds like my family or a social circle."
 3) Rooted in societal demands 
Whatever the story's root is, expectations and criticisms are often internalized and can be experienced as our belief system. So what can we do about finding a constructive balance?  

Recognize the Inner Critic

The first step in understanding your inner critic may seem obvious – recognize that it exists. Acknowledge the voice. For instance, make a gentle mental note, without judgment if possible.
Mindfulness – a practice of noticing when thoughts of self-judgment arise in the present moment – will enable you to identify when the inner critic decides to rear its storyline into the stream of thoughts. The more one can build their mindfulness muscles, the more compassion they can discover within themselves, and the less room there is for the inner critic to feel out of balance. 
The second step is to try again. Pause. Notice ruminating and negative thinking in the present moment. Remember that practice makes perfect. But also, in a twist, don’t forget to embrace the imperfections, as they make us unique.

Befriend the Voice Inside

Similar to befriending someone new in life, the process of understanding the inner critic is a curvilinear journey and takes time. Stay curious, open, and interested in what this inner critic has to say. Until we know what’s happening or being said, it’s tough to do something about it or create real change.
Listening to that inner critic can open the eyes to potential changes that need to be made, opportunities to heal wounds, desires to better understand, and relationships to be cultivated. It’s also important to acknowledge your successful efforts to listen inward. By doing so, you may experience increased confidence and self-efficacy. 

Recognize Unhealthy Patterns

Unhealthy patterns can quickly turn up the inner critic's volume, so it’s important to consider behaviors that need to be replaced with healthier habits.
Alcohol, for instance, can be an emotional tonic. Be mindful of self-medicating habits intended to enhance or numb experiences. Remember that alcohol is a depressant that negatively affects physical and mental health. Separately, balancing family and work responsibilities can become a significant juggling act. Be aware of the infamous burnout, which results from mental exhaustion and can quickly fuel the inner critic.

Actionable Tips

As you move forward, here are some actionable tips to help you stay on track with a positive mindset and a balanced inner critic:
  • Values – Jot down a list of your top 10 values. Then narrow that list to the top 5 in order of importance. Set realistic goals that align with your values and celebrate the successes. 
  • H.A.L.T.  – When the inner critic becomes especially loud, pause, ask yourself if you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, all of which can be affective triggers. Once you spot it, seize the opportunity to do something about it.
  • Self-care – Identify a specific time of the week to detox from smartphones and social media, and dedicate it to self-care as part of your weekly schedule. Self-care can be active, such as drawing, making music, or dancing in the living room. Self-care can also be experienced passively, like a relaxing bubble bath or a massage. 
  • Meditate – Create a daily routine, keep it simple and easy, and start with a couple of minutes each day. Designate a length of time that leads you to feel successful in this practice. Meditation is a powerful opportunity to work on your mental strength and fortitude. It helps build mindfulness muscles to quiet down the inner critic's voice, especially during stressful times. 
  • Authentic Movement – I can’t miss an opportunity to highlight authentic movement and dance/movement therapy. I believe in it wholeheartedly and have made it a primary focus in my work with patients at Wellbridge. Establish (or reconnect with) an embodied practice of moving from one’s impulses toward self-understanding and compassion. This practice involves a blend of movement and discussion, offered by movement psychotherapists, and provides a wonderful avenue to bring the subconscious storyline into a more conscious and empathic state. 
If you are struggling with an inner critic – know that you’re not alone. This is something we all face from time to time. Implementing mindfulness strategies, and if necessary, working with a licensed psychotherapist can be life-changing. You are more than your inner critic may have you believe – and you are stronger than you think.
Kendra Kirane

WRITTEN BY

Kendra Kirane

Kendra Kirane is the Director of Creative Arts Therapy and Wellness at Wellbridge Addiction Treatment and Research. She emphasizes the universal language of art as an essential process in therapy – empowering individuals to be seen, heard, and understood on the path toward recovery. Recognizing wellness is a key feature of sustainability, Kendra prioritizes delivery of mindfulness, fitness, and psychotherapy and to promote restoration and healthy lifestyle choices. Kendra entered the field in 2006 and gained a deep appreciation for the complex clinical needs of patients with substance use disorders (SUD) with a specific focus on the intersection between SUD and trauma. She provided trauma-informed dance/movement therapy for adult survivors of 9/11 at the World Trade Center Environmental Health Center and Bellevue Hospital inpatient units. In 2018 she transitioned to Union Settlement, launching their Early Childhood Mental Health Program while providing supervision for social workers and creative arts therapists. Kendra has taught throughout the New York metropolitan area – striving to highlight dance/movement therapy as a unique response to the opioid crisis. Kendra is a New York State Licensed Creative Arts Therapist and Board-Certified Dance/Movement Therapist. She received a BA in Theatre Arts from UC Santa Cruz and MS in Dance/Movement Therapy from Pratt Institute. She completed a fellowship in psychoanalysis from The Psychoanalytic Association of New York affiliated with NYU School of Medicine, and certifications in Authentic Movement, as well as Arts and Trauma Treatment.