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HELP! I Don't Enjoy Sex With My Boyfriend Anymore!
Dear Armchair PsychologistI love my boyfriend dearly. We moved in as roommates and got together about a month after that. Now we've been together for a year and a half. Since we've lived together all that time, we're really close and are so accustomed to each other.The longest I have been in a relationship before this is 4 months, and he didn't really have a serious exclusive relationship before me. I know he loves me a lot. He's prone to bad dreams and usually when he has them, he tosses and turns and I wake up and ask what's wrong. They're about different things but several times he told me he was upset because he dreamt we broke up. The idea of hurting him like that honestly breaks my heart. I love him so much but the problem is… I'm not in love with him… I don't think I ever was properly.It was fun at first because he's cute and we got on well but as time went on we became so used to being together that I think it just feels safe being with him. I love waking up next to him and cuddling but I don't enjoy sex, I don't get that spark of excitement I had in previous relationships. I don't miss him when I'm away any more than I miss a close friend. What do I do?- Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken,
I am sorry you feel torn about your boyfriend, and I can't begin to imagine the sadness or anxiety that might accompany this predicament. You say that you don't enjoy sex with your boyfriend, nor do you miss him as a romantic partner when he is away. You also say that you're not in love with him and that you worry about hurting him. Most healthy relationships are built on mutual feelings and understanding, which includes sexual intimacy and compatibility. I suspect you already know the answer to your question about what to do in this situation. The real question is what is preventing you from breaking up with your boyfriend? His worst nightmare might be an impending breakup, but it is not a good reason for you to stay in the relationship.
A wise person once told me "if you love someone, don't block their blessings." I'm not religious, however, it stuck with me this idea that I could be stopping someone from experiencing the love that they deserve, (and my own true love for that matter,) because I was holding unto them for my own comfort, fear of a tumultuous breakup and other selfish reasons. Your boyfriend sounds like a lovely and sensitive man. No one deserves to get their heartbroken but it is a part of life that each of us have to contend with to get closer to our true desires and happiness. It is time you develop the courage to break off this relationship and get the support you need to make this happen. Talk to a qualified therapist that can guide you through this difficult process. Also, seek the support of your loved ones, if available. Chances are that years from now, you will look back and feel that you made a good decision by avoiding creating your own nightmare!
- The Armchair Psychologist
Help! I'm Turned on by Head Shavings!
Dear Armchair PsychologistI really need help with this matter. I have a girlfriend, and I love her hair a lot. But I get turned on seeing head shaving videos, and I masturbate to them. And now I feel like shaving my girlfriend's head sometimes but I really love her and can't do that. I really wanna change this stupid feeling. Hair-fetish is fun but the head-shaving part is killing me. My girlfriend doesn't wanna go bald, and I don't even want her to be bald either. But this fetish is killing me and making me watch a lot of videos of head shaving. Please help me. I need some tips to stop this feeling. Thank you. - Baldy Love
Dear Baldy Love,
I'm sorry that you are experiencing such distress over your fetish. Kinks and fetishes are extremely common although they often carry a stigma. In a previous armchair psychologist post, I mentioned a UK study that found that 75% of all people have at least one sexual fetish. It concerns me that you are ashamed and troubled by having a fetish. I recommend you seek the support of a qualified therapist to explore your feelings of shame or fear around the topic. There is nothing wrong with you for enjoying head shaving videos and it's in fact healthy to have kinks and fetishes so long as they aren't harming anyone. I have a few fetishes myself and I am always able to go to my favorite porn sites to satisfy these.
You say you don't want your girlfriend to shave her head and go bald, but you seem unsatisfied because head-shaving is your inner desire? Have you tried including your girlfriend into your fetish? Most sex experts believe that sharing one's fetishes and kinks can lead to a more stimulating relationship and increase the trust and vulnerability between a couple. This great step by step by Dr. Jeremy Nicholoson, a social/personality psychologist, is a great guide on how to gently introduce your fetish to your partner. Grab this opportunity by the hair and begin working on your girlfriend.
- The Armchair Psychologist
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WRITTEN BY
Ubah Bulale