Help! I'm Stumped By Sperm

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Dear Calorie Counter,

I'm happy to hear that you're staying healthy during the quarantine and that both your sex drives are intact. The popular intermittent fasting, which requires cycles of fasting, has many proven health benefits, and it's great that you're achieving the results you want. I'm no "jiz wiz," but I'd imagine not swallowing his semen may be an option? Though you're not alone in being stumped by sperm and its effects on your health. (To be clear, sperm is the reproductive cell and semen is the fluid that keeps it all moving.) A myriad of chat rooms are devoted to this very topic of fasting and semen.

I once dated an unhealthy eater and remember distinctly feeling compromised by his output, thinking I'd become contaminated. Thankfully, according to Dr Justin Lehmiller of Sex and Psychology, "It is pretty clear that as long as the male partner is uninfected and the receptive partner is not allergic to his semen (HSP) it is unlikely that swallowing semen will have any negative effects on one's health."

While semen does contain fructose, amino acids, proteins, and more, it's still mostly 80% water, so not a very high caloric intake unless you swallow gallons. The amount of calories consumed from swallowing semen is very negligible (1-7 calories). Each ejaculation is generally from 1/4 of a teaspoon to 1 teaspoon in size. However, swallowing semen digests in the same way as food, so it is true that you're technically breaking your fast.

I'm also assuming that your sex acts are mutually agreed upon. If they aren't and you feel forced into something that you aren't comfortable with, I recommended you seek help with a qualified therapist.

Since your fast is for purely personal health purposes, (during a religious fast, for example, you'd technically be breaking fast by swallowing semen), I think it may be worth consuming a few calories to keep your sex life alive in these trying times. But if you insist on not breaking your fast, just spit it out and don't quench the appetite for fire and desire!

- The Armchair Psychologist

Dear Shut Up Already,

I'm sorry you're frustrated and can't seem to escape the COVID-19 topic. Many of us are in the same boat, and it's easy for our anxieties and fears to rule us during these trying times. I also have an unhealthy obsession with the virus, and it partly stems from the fear of dying. Anytime someone young without underlying medical conditions dies, I am both mystified and terrified, thinking it could happen to me.

If your fiance is genuinely immobilized and hindered by his fears, it is wise to suggest he sees a licensed professional to address this. Otherwise, it's important to listen to him and let him safely discuss his thoughts. We rely on our partners to hear us and to love us, even if we may not share their sentiments ourselves. His circumstances in his location may also differ from yours, which might lend a different perspective. Regardless, you should get your sex life back. There are many tactful ways of changing subjects to get your mojo back on. The word "anyhoo" has worked wonders for some.

There's also this great book "Staying Sane in an Insane World: A Prescription for Even Better Mental Health" by family therapist Kiaundra Jackson that offers lots of tips on how to change the subjects gracefully. ANYHOO, hope this works and you can both get back to your 50 shades of something...

- The Armchair Psychologist