"You’re useless". That is what my abusive ex-boyfriend used to tell me every day.
I hit an all-time low when my self-confidence hit rock bottom during my abusive relationship.
Before entering the relationship that left me broken, feeling worthless and unlovable, I was pretty confident in myself and my abilities: I’ve just been promoted at work, I always believed I was smart, I had a close circle of friends. Life was great!
The relationship started like a dream; he was so caring and loving, so charismatic… but after a few months, his attitude began to change. He became critical of everything I did, extremely jealous and possessive, and verbally and emotionally aggressive.
And then, slowly, day after day… I had less and less self-love and confidence. I stopped seeing my friends, I stopped voicing my opinions, I stopped going to the gym… I stopped being myself. I was scared of doing something wrong, of saying something wrong as I knew the consequences.
I started to believe I was useless and stupid as it was what I was being told every day. My self-confidence hit rock-bottom, I was consumed by self-doubt. I couldn’t recognize myself. It’s what gave me the courage to leave the relationship. Where was the bold and self-assured Valérie I used to be? I wanted to be her again.
Fast forward to today: I’m the most confident version of myself!
This is why I know that self-confidence is a skill, you can lose it, but you can regain it. Faster than you think!
If I could do it, you can too. Research says that 85% of people suffer from a « self-esteem deficit ». But everyone can become self-assured.
4 Steps To Rebuild Your Self-Confidence:
1. Practice positive self-talk: The way you talk to yourself reflects your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and will determine how you feel. Positive self-talk shows yourself self-compassion and understanding for who you are and what you've been through.
2. Remember who you were before losing your confidence: What were your passions? What was bringing you joy? How did you like to spend your free time? Make a list and bring all those things back into your life. Do more of it!
3. Take small actions every day: Getting out of your comfort zone is key, by baby steps. Start with small things, and add up every day. The more you take action, the more you’ll feel confident. Action, competence, and self-belief work together to increase your confidence.
4. Surround yourself with a positive support system: It can be friends, family, coach, or therapist. Being around people who lift you up, who believe in you, and support you in good and bad moments will boost your self-confidence and bring you joy.
This may have been my reality a few years ago, but I managed to turn it around and become empowered again.
From being afraid of voicing my opinion to being a speaker for the Women Thrive Summit.
Re-building my self-confidence has been like travelling from dark to light.
Now I’m passionate about sharing my journey and helping others go from self-doubt to self-confidence and from stuck to thriving.
I’m very excited to be a speaker at the Women Thrive Summit hosted by the Women in Business Club, along with 40 entrepreneurs and mentors on a mission to empower women to thrive and succeed in business (and life!). I cannot wait to share on the stage my tips on building rock-solid confidence and a strong mindset.
Valerie Mege is a mind coach and self-confidence expert, with a no-fluff, based on science, actionable approach, for corporate leaders and entrepreneurs who want to confidently thrive in life. She does believe that when we know how to manage our mind, we can achieve whatever we want in life and her method proves it.
She grew up in a little town in France but was determined to live close to the sea and have a very different life from everyone she knew back then. She’s always been fascinated by why humans do what they do and the power of our mind and read all the books about self-help since her teen years.
After a successful management career in nightlife and luxury hospitality (amazing place to learn about human behaviors!), meeting VIPs every day, traveling the world, organizing amazing events, she was feeling like something was still missing and took the leap to transform her passion for personal development into her career.
Now a certified life and mindset coach, NLP, hypnosis and Timeline Therapy practitioner, and after being mentored by the most renowned coaches, she coaches clients from all over the world, in English, French and Spanish. Nothing makes her happier than seeing her clients go from self-doubt and stuck to self-confident and thriving.
WRITTEN BY
Raimonda Jankunaite