Since my mid-twenties, I’ve been sad for years, and there is nothing as grave as sadness you are trying to hide and cope with. I did it for years, though, smiling publicly while grieving privately and suffering in plain sight, as my emotions wreaked turmoil and havoc internally. It was that bad.
Many times I couldn’t speak from the weight of it, and being naturally reticent and an aspiring writer, my days were often spent in critical wonder and silent stupors that only God could have made me endure. So I was mostly mum, aggressive, and even sheepish about it as I couldn’t express what kept me so sore. It was as if my throat locked up on me. Sometimes, I was even catatonic, stuck in physically uncomfortable positions and unable to move for hours or even days, laying in bed, prone and seemingly unable to fight.
But enough about these conditions, the real story here is fighting and beating depression and how I did it. For one, I was really determined to outlast depression, repeating the Guyanese catchall refrain periodically, “Things cannot be one way all the time.” Indeed, this is true, and I knew it was true despite the constant breakdowns that made me feel differently.
Surely, I was determined to “beat depression like it stole something from me,” which is precisely why I can write about it in the past tense. The thing about depression and sadness is that you need to be greater than them, which only comes with faith. It was my Christian belief that kept me up to par with these intense negative feelings, and even then, it was difficult to bear. I am a strong believer that no one beats depression without Jesus Christ.
Indeed my commitment to myself today and beyond is to keep and maintain my health, so it means keeping healthy boundaries with myself, sticking to my treatment plans, keeping my appointments, and believing in myself and my ability to continue this path of wellness simply because it is something that I desire so much. I am a lover of life and all things good that it offers, and I believe it is mine to experience and enjoy. I have also taken steps towards my dreams despite my fears with positive results.
Of all of these strategies, I know that my strongest asset is my beliefs about myself and my abilities, which only come from my faith and belief in God. Thus, as you try to cope with depressed feelings, thoughts of suicide, and/or intense sadness, I encourage you to strengthen your spiritual relationship. It forms the underpinning of how you will fight this, as beating depression is a fight. Scriptures that come to mind are, “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling,” and “I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me;” I did this. And it caused me to beat depression. Now it is your turn. Beat it like a drum!
WRITTEN BY
ODETTA FRASER GOD