We’ve all heard it before: 7-8 hours of sleep a night is important for our health and well-being. So is rest, self-care, and eating balanced, nutritious meals, but when my to-do list is a mile long, and it seems like each time I check off one thing, I add two more, well cuts have to be made somewhere. There are, afterall, only 24 hours in a day. And all too often it’s the sleep, rest, and self-care that are first on the chopping block. When cuts need to be made, they’re the easiest to rationalize—a little less sleep here or there can’t matter that much, right? But it all adds up, often much quicker than we’d like, and we’re left feeling exhausted, burned out, and somehow even less productive (as it turns out, at a certain point, working more doesn’t translate to getting more work done). While good old-fashioned hard work is critical to success—and you won’t be able to bring your dreams to life without it—you must also take care of yourself.
The hard truth is, no matter how tired we get, work keeps chugging along and life never stops, so we grit our teeth and push through—slowly making sacrifices we aren’t even necessarily aware of at first. But the more sacrifices we make, the more we find our attention dwindling, our quality of work suffering, and our patience tested as we become quicker to frustration. When we continually give up the very things that help us feel our best—whether that be a regular yoga session, manicure, lunch with friends, or jog in the park—not only will our health and well-being suffer (as if that weren’t enough), but the very work we’re sacrificing for will suffer as well. A lack of proper sleep and self-care will ultimately consume our creativity, our attention to detail, our critical thinking, our enthusiasm and passion, and finally, our ability to work at all.
Now to be clear, you should take care of yourself because you deserve to be healthy, rested, and happy—not because you need to be a good worker (your inherent value has nothing to do with how productive you are). But I know I’m speaking to many readers who are a lot like myself and just can’t seem to sit still because they’re chasing down a dream. You see, I’m a poster child of hard work—I started working before I could drive, delivering newspapers in the early hours before school and babysitting after school. I owe much of my success to countless long nights grinding away to get ahead, and the company I founded became a billion-dollar juggernaut on the back of self-sacrifice—I often forwent sleep, lived off instant ramen, and gave up any semblance of a personal life, particularly in the early years of getting my company off the ground. When you’re an entrepreneur, that level of commitment is often necessary to successfully start a business. But as necessary as it may be in sprints, it is not sustainable long term, which means even us self-identified workaholics need to learn to chill out every now and then.
Between hustle culture and gendered expectations that extol the virtues of self-sacrifice, it’s no wonder so many of us can’t seem to slow down. It’s precisely why so many finally broke during the pandemic, with many women having to step away from work altogether. Historically, women have been encouraged and even applauded for putting ourselves and our needs last. This is particularly true for working women because social expectations make clear that “having it all” really means giving 100% at work and another 100% at home—that whole extra 100% has to come from somewhere (and from where else, but ourselves). That’s the root of the impossible position in which we find ourselves. To really succeed, we have to disavow ourselves of that notion.
What I’ve learned over the years of trying to have it all, is that it actually is possible, but only when we reframe what having it all really means. And only when we understand that it requires our best selves and therefore, demands not self-sacrifice, but self-care. Despite the incredible pressures to put your needs last, you will actually be a better boss, better leader, better mom, better wife, and better friend when you safeguard your needs. It’s like when flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before attempting to help others because, well, if you pass out, you’re not going to be able to help anyone—you’ll be the one in need of help.
As a CEO and working mother, I know all too well how difficult it can be to put your own needs first (not to mention the guilt!), but if you want to make your dreams a reality, you need to be able to stay in the race for the long haul. And to do so, you’ve got to start prioritizing yourself too.
A good practical place to start is to identify what your needs are. Specifically, differentiate your needs from your wants. This is so critical for those prone to self-sacrifice because we often frame our needs as wants, and therein lies our path to guilt for simply taking care of our most basic requirements. A full night's sleep isn’t a want, it’s a need. Forgo it long enough and your body will cease to function. Taking the time to eat actual meals? A need. Finding time to move your body? Another need. Setting aside time to let your brain recharge? Yet another need. Needs are everything from the most basic necessities of life all the way to whatever helps you feel like your best self. If that weekly blowout helps you feel reenergized and more like the confident boss you are, then it goes on your needs list. Skip out on these things enough times and everything else in your life will begin to suffer. Your needs are valid and worth fulfilling. They may be things you do for yourself, but make no mistake, you are also doing them for everyone else who benefits from you being at your best.
Once you have a comprehensive list of your needs (it doesn’t have to be perfect—you’ll naturally find yourself adding and removing things over time), then order them from most important to least. This includes 7-8 hours of sleep a night, eating, healthcare and therapy, time for rest, and any other form of self-care. There will undoubtedly be times in your life where needs lower on the list don’t make the cut. What’s important is that you are aware of the needs you are giving up and have a sense of how long you are doing so. Temporary sacrifices are perfectly fine and even necessary when work and life become more demanding. But if you find yourself consistently neglecting more and more of your needs, you need to reevaluate and restructure your time or you’ll soon find yourself in burnout territory.
Look, I get it. I know that taking the time to slow down and prioritize yourself isn’t easy when your work is your passion, but nothing worth doing ever is. So add rest and self-care to the top of your to-do list and keep at it!
WRITTEN BY
Liz Elting