What do you think of when asked to describe a homeless\nperson?
Most would describe an adult standing on a corner with a cardboard\nsign, usually by a highway exit ramp. We all have seen this type. Hollywood\nportrays homeless kids as dirty, unkept kids that usually get caught up in\nprostitution. But let me describe another version that may have been hiding\nright in front of you, maybe even in your own home.
A home is a place filled with love, support, and safety. Home\nis a place to relax and unwind. But for some kids, home is an everyday\nnightmare they are trying to survive. They are indeed without a safe place to\ncall home. Their mode of survival is called Couch Surfing. Couch Surfing is\nbouncing around from house to house, crashing on someone’s couch, to avoid\ngoing home. How do I know about this? I was couch surfing by age 14 and fully\nlived out of my car by age 17. Growing up physically and sexually abused, I became a master at staying outside my home, for as long as possible.
Children from abusive homes learn how to be a chameleon and\nblend in. It’s a survival skill that helps them fade into the background of their\nvolatile home life. This skill is what makes it so easy for them to be right in\nfront of you. I knew the difference between functional parents and\ndysfunctional parents. If you are a loving and caring parent, your home would be an ideal target. I was safe in those homes. I was that kid that never went home. Parents\nwould eventually complain about how I had overstayed my welcome. They had not\nanticipated buying groceries for an extra mouth to feed. Eventually, I would be\nasked to leave. Inside, I would cry. I just wanted a warm safe place to rest my\nhead. I would still not say a word and gather up my belongings. My friend would\ntry and help me find my next location on my couch tour. I would crash at kids’\nhouses that I didn’t even know. Some kids would give me a blanket for when I\nslept in my car during the winter.
Children from abusive homes learn how to be a chameleon and blend in. It’s a survival skill that helps them fade into the background of their volatile home life.
Certain parents would let me stay longer than others. Those\nwere the parents that always thought they were the popular parents among kids.\nThey would pat themselves on the back about how all the kids loved hanging out\nat their house. In reality, it wasn’t hard for them to be “popular” to a group\nof dysfunctional kids. If they didn’t sexually assault children, they were viewed\nas good parents. The bar was set pretty low.
What does a homeless kid look like? Ironically, it’s the\nimage of a kid that you would pick as the perfect friend for your child. I was on the\nhonor roll. By 7 am, I was one of the first ones to arrive early at school. I\nwould spend time in the library waiting for others to arrive an hour later. Some\nnights, I wouldn’t leave school till after dark. I would seek out activities\nlike drama club or color guard. Those activities had late night practices.\nEarly morning practices would be found by joining the chess club or a language\nclub. I also maintained a part-time job and had a boyfriend. Parents would see\na well-rounded kid with stellar grades who was involved in multiple\nactivities. I looked no different than a motivated kid working on their college\nprep resume. Yet, I was driving around with dishes and household items in the\ntrunk of my car. Slowly, I was accumulating supplies for my future place…my own safe home.
What most people don’t realize, is that dysfunctional kids can be\nhighly driven in school. We know education is our only way out of our hazardous\nsituation. I knew that if I had any hope of leaving my house, I had to be able\nto financially support myself. Dropping out of high school was never an option.\nI would need a job that paid more than minimum wage to survive. Those kinds of\njobs require at least a high school diploma or GED.
What most people don’t realize, is that dysfunctional kids can be highly driven in school. We know education is our only way out of our hazardous situation.
You may be thinking, how is it possible to identify a\ntroubled kid? Well, you can’t. The chameleon traits have been honed and\ndeveloped their whole life. Those kids are alive and surviving because they\nhave become masters at concealing their true self and their struggles. Still, there are\nsigns to look for. Most of the detective work comes from having a positive\nrelationship with your own kid. Some kids knew my struggle, others did not. But\nall my friends knew that something was not right in my home life.
Communication is the number one weapon in helping save\nchildren. Talk to your child about signs to look for in their friends. Maybe\nthey know about their friend’s struggle but didn’t know how they could talk to\nyou about it. Ask questions. Instead of wondering why this kid is always at\nyour house, ask why your child is never at their house? What does your child\nsee at their house? Does your child know what couch surfing is? How did they\nlearn about it? When you ask the child to leave, do they go home? Have you met\nthe child’s parents? When the kid leaves, does food come up missing? Does the\nkid hesitate to go home for the smallest thing such as getting a change of\nclothes? Once the kid is out, going home for anything runs the risk that they\nmust fight to get back out.
The most difficult option is to ask the child directly and\nwatch for body language. These kids have reached out for help before and\nsomeone has failed them. Meaning, they previously got punished for seeking\nhelp. If you go down this road, make sure you can go the distance. By telling\nyou their story, this child has put their life in your hands.
As a society, we teach children to tell an adult when they\nare abused. That is a lot to place on a child considering most adults struggle\nto file assault charges. Also, most children do tell an adult. They are told to\nbe quiet or told they must have misunderstood. Commonly, portrayed as liars or labeled as a problem child by their parents, they are cut off from\nthose they reached out to for help. We say we need to start believing victims when they\nspeak out. This should start by believing the children. Through these actions,\nhopefully, we can start seeing what is right in front of us.
