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HELP! I'm in Love With my Boss
Dear Armchair Psychologist,I met a girl that I really love, and she loves me too. We met randomly and ended up hanging out, and we said I love you that very day. I'm normally a loner, a writer, and I don't often fall in love. I've been badly hurt before so I'm normally cautious, but this time I couldn't help myself. The next day, my mind was occupied with thoughts of her. She was like air to me, and I needed her. I couldn't focus on work at all. On our second date, I was so happy and had this wonderful feeling of loving her and feeling loved in return. But she has a boyfriend, and she loves him too. She doesn't know who to be with out of the two of us. She is confused, and so am I. I'm worried and afraid that I will never see her again. What should I do?- In Love
Dear In Love,
I'm sorry that you're experiencing distress about this new love. No one ever plans for falling in love. It can happen at inconvenient times, and it certainly seems untimely for your love interest. The situation is even trickier because you don't know the girl very well, nor her motives.
There's a chance she could be in love with you and may consider leaving her current beau, but it's a long stretch. It could also be possible that she is simply looking for "partner insurance" This is a term coined by psychologist Glenn Geher Ph.D.In this article, he explains, "Just as you might have homeowner's insurance in the unfortunate event that your house burns down, maybe women have partner insurance—a backup boyfriend, ready and waiting in case your current relationship burns down."
Regardless of this girl's intentions, it is important you protect your heart and emotions until there's a more concrete development in her life where she is single and ready to mingle. I know you must feel scared and confused, and these are very uneasy feelings to live with. Some useful tips and methods can be found here which include staying busy, keeping your distance, not giving in to temptation etc.
It may be difficult initially, but I think it could be healthy to also have fun and start going on dates to keep your mind off of this charmer. If your distress persists, I recommend you see a professional therapist. Fall in love again with the process of self-growth, this too is a phase of learning and developing yourself.
- The Armchair Psychologist
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WRITTEN BYUbah Bulale