It’s that\nmoment you feel deep in your soul that you can’t be successful in your job.\nWhether it’s because a team has turned on you, your boss is limiting you (while\nbenefitting from your work), or your peers leave you isolated when you need\ntheir support. You know you’ve done great work and been loyal to your team. So\nwhat is happening?
Whisper\ncampaigns and passive aggression are kryptonite to strong women. We don’t\nunderstand them, we don’t engage in them, and when they’re waged on us, we have\nno clue how to overcome them, short of leaving the jobs we worked so hard to\nland.
Resistance\nto Strong Women Isn’t New
Centuries of\nsocial progress, one drip at a time, have done little to quell the waves\nof resistance experienced by assertive, high-achieving women across the world.\nWe have more women in leadership than ever before, yet most will tell you that\ngetting there did not mean being there would be easy. In fact, high-achieving women are more likely to be on the verge of quitting due to\nresistance, passive aggression, and professional isolation.
When these\nwomen put their hearts and souls into pushing their organizations and teams\nforward, workplace betrayal can come as a complete shock. It might show up as petty\ncompetition by coworkers or team members, being passed over (whether they knew\nit or not), or subtle silencing by bosses who directly benefit from their hard\nwork. Those same bosses might hold them in place for years, or decades, by\nrewarding their successes while limiting their promotion prospects. Directness\nand courage in women can be unsettling to others and are often the unspoken reasons to hold them back.
Personality\nCriticism is Common!
According to\nKeirin Snyder of Textio, high-achieving women are 38 times more likely to\nreceive personality criticism in their performance reviews than their male\ncounterparts. They receive the same (high) performance scores, but their bosses\nfeel the need to tell them to be softer, quieter, more agreeable. In other\nwords, don’t actually lead. Assertiveness is seen as aggression and directness\nis seen as abrasiveness, but only in women. Men are routinely rewarded and often admired for these traits.
When high-achieving women try to find out what they’re doing wrong but no one has\nanything concrete for them to act upon, they may not actually be doing anything\nwrong! Sure, their style can rub some people the wrong way in moments, but my\nclients aren’t monsters, they’re just strong women. Many work extremely\nhard to adjust for others’ styles. They withhold or soften their feedback and\nyield to others on a daily basis. So why the shunning?
This is the\npoint where most of my clients reach out for help, whether they've just resigned or are planning to leave soon. If others won't meet them half way, they see no other choice.
The Cost\nof Staying…or Going
They’ve\nstayed awake at night ruminating and recalculating next steps. They’ve tried to\n“solve for x” but it’s impossible to apply logic when it’s not a problem of\nlogic. They’ve replayed conversations, meetings, and performance reviews.\nThey’re working way harder than others to solve this interpersonal gap, but\nwith little success. Bottom line is, they’re ready to call it quits.
If you\ncan’t change how others see you, it can feel like you have no choice but to\nseek out a fresh start. When talented women get to this point, everyone\nloses if they leave. Their teams lose out on visionary leadership and\ncourage that she’s always brought to the table. Their bosses lose the workhorse\nwho will solve the tough problems and get the big wins. And the women\nthemselves lose out on reaching that big goal that they always have in mind for\nany job they’re in. What’s worse is losing out on leaving a team healthy and\nhappy when they go.
The Great\nResignation has only exacerbated the trend of high achieving women choosing to\nwalk rather than digging in and turning this dynamic around.
I advocate\nfor my clients to stay one more year. That’s it, no more, no less. It only\ntakes a few months to completely turn their reputations around, then a few short\nmonths to make giant leaps on a big goal. If they still want to leave at that point, then it will be on a high note.
We don’t\nhave to lay awake at night, we don’t have to sit with our frustration over our\nbosses’ limitations on us. We certainly don’t have to let peers continue to\ncircle around us like wolves. We worked hard to get into these roles, and we can\napply that same commitment to renewing our workplace identities, so we can\nleave on good (or great) terms when we’re ready.
If this\napplies to you, give yourself time to turn it around! The world is full\nof people who can coach and mentor you through this, but find someone who knows\nthis dynamic and can give you specific, actionable steps to transform your\nidentity and impact at work. You can do it! I know this is true, because I’ve done\nit myself, and I'm glad I did!
One of my\nclients recently told me that she left her last position under these exact\ncircumstances. She’d done everything she could think of to improve her workplace\nimage but her credibility with the bosses didn’t recover. Although she went on\nto build her own business (and is very successful in it), leaving her previous job\nat a low-point haunts her to this day. She feels like it’s a stain on her\ncareer and worse, that it was an avoidable personal failure.
Staying One\nMore Year Can Change Everything
The cost of\nstaying can be high if we don’t turn things around, but the cost of leaving can\nbe even higher. I ask clients to imagine themselves dissolving resistance to\ntheir leadership over the next six months…then spending another six months\ncompletely immersed in amazing teamwork and challenging projects that can change\ntheir organizations. That’s what staying can give you, restored confidence, relationships,\nand impact.
What can it save you?... Regrets!
Don't let the Great Resignation sweep you away too soon. Instead, launch the Great Restoration! Give\nyourself time and invest in the art of the turnaround, a skill that will pay dividends in future interpersonal dynamics at work and at home!
