Hi, Liz!
I’ve weathered the pandemic okay. My partner and I stay at home since she’s asthmatic, and we’re both going stir crazy, especially lately. We’ve had our share of “Oh God, I hope it’s not COVID,” but by and large, this has been a crisis I’ve felt insulated from. Sure, I had acquaintances who’d gotten sick, but fortunately, my closest friends and family have gotten through the last year unscathed.
Well, that’s all over and done now. On Tuesday, I found out a longtime colleague had gotten sick, and just this morning, I got the call I’d been dreading since day one: my dad was infected, too. He is pushing seventy and immunocompromised, so he always took pains to be careful at work (he’s spent the last year driving for a rideshare). In my eyes, he was taking sufficient care of himself, so I had avoided thinking too much about the new, more infectious variants out there and somehow took it for granted.
My question: how the hell do I keep up a good pace at work? I’ve never really unexpectedly lost anyone close to me, so I don’t really know how to process this and stay productive. I can’t let it slide because the company I work for is still in survival mode, and my work matters. But I’m an absolute wreck with worry.
What do I do?
Alice K.
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Dear Alice,
My heart goes out to you, and I am so sorry to hear about your father. My own father has a chronic illness – Waldenstrom’s macroglobulinemia – that has kept me up nights, so I can relate.
The last eleven some-odd months have been hard on all of us, without a doubt, and the trauma we’re experiencing both collectively and individually will linger for a long time. The position you’re in – needing to stay on top of things at work at a critical moment can be stressful even in normal circumstances, but coupling that with your father’s illness, which might be making you think of the rest of your family’s risk, is more than anyone should have to bear. Sadly, the times are what they are, and we have to work in them.
First, let me remind you that your father’s condition is not going to be affected by your worry any more than a movie would be. You have no control over this situation, which can leave you feeling helpless. But you aren’t helpless; you can still manage your own risk, and you can still provide yourself with financial stability and take care of your own mental well-being. These aren’t nothing; if you let fear and worry keep you from the necessary work of your days, you only give yourself more things to worry about.
Personally, I find work a welcome distraction from troubling thoughts and anxieties.
Work, unlike the illness afflicting your father and so many people around the world, is under your control.
You can take meaningful action to address it and be confident all will be well. It’s actually quite empowering in hard times – to me anyway – to get things off my desk. It’s one less thing taking up headspace, and yes, focus, at a time when you don’t have a lot to spare. I know this won’t be the case for everyone,
You will worry. You will stress. That’s normal and appropriate and even healthy. But inert, numbing worry helps nobody, least of all you.
I do have a couple of suggestions, though – these may or may not work for you, but each of these has helped me cope. Working out first thing in the morning, if you can find the time, pumps endorphins through your body, giving you a sort of natural high that can power you for hours. Remove distractions; there are great programs like Freedom that can block specific websites that your wandering mind might veer off towards. Listen to a focus playlist.
And above all, let yourself feel everything when you’re off the clock.
Let it out. Cry if you have to. Those feelings are real and honest, and you deserve the space to process them. But it’s critical to find ways to compartmentalize them during the working day so you can do what you need to do to provide for yourself. COVID-19 can be drawn out – one friend of mine was seriously ill for over a month – so you need to be an endurance runner here. Work at a pace you can manage consistently. If you need to, ask your manager to reallocate some responsibilities on a short-term basis. We are all in this together, and that means you aren’t alone.
WRITTEN BY
Liz Elting