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HELP! My Boyfriend Deleted Me on Social Media!

Dear Armchair Psychologist,I have a boyfriend who has three kids with another woman (I don't mind, I have kids of my own). Anyway, he got deported, and I was there for him when no one else was. I would even go to Mexico to see him, because I wanted to. Anyway, now I'm pregnant, and he is still in Mexico.A couple of weeks ago, he posted a picture of my ultrasound and me and him. His children's mother got upset and didn't let the kids speak to him after that. I guess they talked today, and he ended up deleting my picture, including the baby's ultrasound. He said his son was the one who was upset and saying, "Why didn't he do that with my mom when they were together" and "Why doesn't he have pictures of us on Facebook?" etc. This is why he decided to take them down.I have the right to be upset, right? How do I stop loving this guy? He's done other things that have hurt me. I haven't caught him cheating, but something inside me tells me otherwise. It's hard to let go especially while being pregnant and in love. I don't want to love him anymore but I don't want to lose him, does that make sense?- Confused and Preggers

Dear Confused and Preggers,

I am so sorry that you're experiencing this distress at a sensitive time when your mind and body are going through such major changes. Love is hard because we often love the person that hurts us, and we also sometimes don't want to be with the person we love for those very reasons, but it can be very difficult to let go.

You're not alone in feeling confused—this is what love does to most people. It makes us behave and act in ways we never thought we were capable of. You say your boyfriend has gotten deported. You also say you don't fully trust him, and that he doesn't make you a priority in his life as he's busy appeasing his first family and ex-partner.

Apart from the relationship being doomed logistically (unless you plan on moving to Mexico?), it doesn't sound like you feel happy and supported in this coupling?

I'm sure that you're a beautiful and wonderful person, and your boyfriend is, too, but you two need to get to a place of understanding to see if you're aligned in 1) being in a relationship and 2) raising a family together. He deleted the ultrasound to keep the peace in Mexico, but it is understandable that you'd feel slighted and neglected.

Do you have a history of dating men who aren't available to you? Perhaps you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you experience extreme jealousy? Freud has a theory called repetition compulsion, which occurs when a person puts themselves in the same situation over and over again because they are reliving something that psychologically affected them earlier in their life, like, perhaps, being treated badly by a male?

I think it's imperative you see a professional therapist as a couple, and by yourself, to explore what may be going on with you and to receive guidance in this difficult time. I would also strongly recommend that you reach out to your support network of friends or family. Chances are your boyfriend will be in your life for a very long time, and you might even be dependent on him financially, but it is imperative that you devise a plan to navigate the future and make the best home for yourself and your soon-to-be newborn. The ultra sound thing to do here is get to work on yourself!- The Armchair Psychologist

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WRITTEN BY

Ubah Bulale