We accept that getting a background check on a potential romantic interest before going out on a date is a proper safety protocol. We know we will encounter background checks when we decide to look for a new job. We run background checks or expect someone else to, for anyone we entrust with caring for our children. So, why is running a background check before marriage, not the accepted norm?

Background checks where once both costly and time-consuming. Now, they can be ordered in a matter of moments, and there are dozens of reputable companies, like UnMask, to choose from online. We can choose to tell our future spouse, or not, but the process itself is quick and painless. Hopefully, by the time you have reached the point of considering marriage, everything about both your pasts has been discussed.

Reasons to get background check before marriage

So, why bother with a background check? You love and trust this person, or you wouldn't be considering nuptials. There are numerous reasons it is still smart to get a background check done, and many couples decide to do it together before marriage.

  • Finances, Getting married means pooling both your resources and debts, and you need to know your partner's financial history because it will have a significant impact on your financial future. If they have a poor credit rating, evictions, or bankruptcies on their credit history, it will affect your financial future together. Future joint purchases will be affected by both your credit scores, so it is only fair that you are both aware of what financial baggage the other is bringing into the relationship. If your partner has been open about their financial mistakes in the past, then you still need a background check to know precisely how bad things are and to plan accordingly. If you, or your partner, have poor credit, you need to research the best way to proceed. Do you keep everything in the name of the partner with good credit? This move might help save on interest payments, but it will take the other partner longer to re-establish their credit.
  • Making sure there are no surprises in either of your backgrounds, Your potential spouse may have forgotten about that broken lease right after college, or you might not have realized that you never paid off a store card that now leaves a black mark on your credit. Mistakes also happen on background reports. Finding and addressing those allows both partners to move forward with the confidence that there is nothing from your past that can damage your future.

Though most background checks, before marriage, should not reveal anything shocking, some things should be considered red flags. Those include:

  • A change in identity, Unless your partner has been upfront about their reasons for a change in identity, you have to assume there is some nefarious reason they are hiding their past.
  • A criminal history that they have kept secret, A past criminal history is a definite red flag unless it was a misdemeanor charge where they were cleared. Something small may have slipped their mind, or never seemed important enough to bring up. However, if there are arrests, charges, or prosecution for violent or serious crimes and your partner has kept that from you, it is probably a deal-breaker for marriage.
  • Prior marriages, If your potential spouse was married before you and did not tell you, you should seriously weigh why they would keep that a secret from you.
  • Addictive behavior, Again, this is one of those things that depends on whether your partner was candid upfront. Now, if all they told you was that they "used to drink too much," but you find evidence of a sordid past of addictive behaviors, you should be concerned. They may still be in denial about the seriousness of their addiction. A history full of possible DUIs, narcotics convictions, and patterns of erratic behavior should be a definite red flag.

In most cases where a background check is done before marriage, both partners agree, and both partners participate. If your potential spouse refuses, becomes angry, or you feel uncomfortable even suggesting it, you may want to ask yourself why? A marriage will only survive if it is built on trust, and trust starts with being completely honest about your past.