Are the Kids Alright? How to Support Your Children with Online School and the Pandemic

When my three daughters' classes went online and started this spring, my family was thrust into a new and uncomfortable situation. My kids, who really enjoy school, missed their friends and yearned to get out of the house to play and explore. As a self-employed solo parent, I needed to balance helping them adjust to online school, being present for my clients and business, and finding space to care for myself.

I value simplicity, and developing new systems—in every area of our lives—offered up new frustration. Knowing that the unknown was the only thing we knew and having a LOT of experience in navigating adversity as a family (hello, divorce and cancer within a three-year window), I tapped into using my mindset and tools to figure out an emotionally healthy and strong way forward and decided to make this experience our own in the way that felt joyful, special, and as flow-y as possible.

Fast forward to a few months later, and I’m happy to say the four of us have indeed found our flow. It took energy and patience, plus our fair share of trial and error, but in essence, it all boiled down to relentless communication. I made it a point to sit down, talk, and find the best way I could support them at this time. At the same time, I also had to leave room for myself to navigate the trauma brought on for my clients by this pandemic...while ensuring that I too felt cared for and supported.

How did we get there? Here are the steps I took with my kids to ensure that every member of our family felt supported during this time.

Set healthy and loving boundaries by using open lines of communication. Whenever I have any online meetings scheduled, for example, I make sure to be protective of that time and to communicate that to my kids. I tell them, "Mummy isn't available from 12:00 to 12:30 PM today. What can you do at that time to stay focused while I am not available?" Similarly, whenever they have an engagement, we make time for it and agree on a schedule so that they're set up for success.

I don't recommend multitasking; it's healthier for everyone to stay focused on the present moment and do one thing at a time so that you and your kids can preserve your energy and focus on one task at a time. That way, you can also be available to support them.

Check in with yourself as well as your kids, and listen to what it is that you really need at that moment. Every day will be different. Some days, you'll really have to focus on helping your kids with school and then burn the midnight oil to finish work after putting them to sleep. There will also be days when you have to take a break, sit down, and munch on snacks while you watch your favorite Netflix shows. Some days, it will feel like a lot, and in those cases, it's important to know how to ask for help. I'm a single mom, and sometimes I call up my aunt and arrange to have the kids visit her on a weekend so that I can have that time for myself.

Having space just to be together as a family is really important. With my girls, I make it a point for us to have dinner together every night. This opens up more opportunities for them to communicate and speak freely and not just respond to a direct line of questioning. Every Friday night is movie night—just a lowkey get-together where we all have pizza and popcorn—and we all look forward to it. There’s also no pressure to spend time together; we’re all just hanging out, and we all feel safe being together. These moments are a good opportunity to get a clear picture of how the people in your family are doing. Since you’re all at ease, you can monitor their behavior and get the opportunity to talk to them and let them tell you how they’re feeling in a natural way.

Learning happens so much more beyond the classroom. It was true before and is even more so now that our kids are learning from screens without the opportunity to be with their teachers or classmates in school. Until the pandemic started, many of us made a conscious effort to reduce our kids’ screen time. Now, it seems like we don’t have much of a choice. Therefore, you have to be conscious of ensuring that not all their time is about following instructions on a screen but also dedicated to building, creating, and getting their hands dirty. Take them to the yard, or bring them outside to a place where they can play safely, and build a fort or ride the swings. This passive learning model our kids are experiencing right now isn't really ideal; there's so much that they need to support their holistic development that they won’t get if they just stick to online school.

The greatest distance you’ll ever travel is the one between the way you think it’s going to be and the way it is. We've all been thrust into brand new situations, and we're bound to make mistakes. It's okay to lower your expectations. Know that you are doing the best you can. Just remember to set your boundaries, and create space to check in on your needs.

When things get a little too overwhelming, just pause, and ask yourself, "What is the story you’re telling yourself now?" Then ask, "Is that story even true?" For example, could you be catastrophizing and assuming that things that will fail, when they haven’t even happened yet? Those three steps are a very simple and effective way to ground yourself from your anxious thoughts. It’s happened to me recently; things just became too much, and so I made myself pause and take a few deep breaths. And then I asked, "What is the story I could be telling myself?" and "Is it real, or is it just fear creeping in?" When you slow your thought process down like this, it allows you to get into the heart of what’s bothering you, and clears your mind to solve the problem from there.

None of us know at this point how things will unfold in the next several months. It’s hard to live with uncertainty, but by communicating with our families effectively, and exercising kindness at all times—not just towards our kids, but also ourselves—we can all help each other weather this crisis. Most importantly, trust that everything will be alright.