How Many of These Cringe-Worthy English Eurovision Entries Do You Recognize?

Whilst this year’s English Eurovision entry looks fairly promising – thanks to friend-of-Rudimental, James Newman – lest we forget the undeniably questionable acts that we have offered up in previous years. Gone but never forgotten, spare a thought for these unsuccessful entries when placing your Eurovision bets for the 2021 contest.

Read on for the ultimate cringe fest, and see how many you remember, if you’ve not already burnt them out of your memory!

Starting off with a bang, the 2003 Eurovision Song contest was blessed with this unforgettable performance. Power duo Jemini showed us that singing in tune really isn’t all that important, as they belted out the simple yet effective mantra of: Cry, cry baby, You lied to me baby, Survive without you baby, Baby, bye, Baby, bye bye. Ah, a classic.

And, if that wasn’t enough, Jemini also made history that year as the first entry to receive nul points with completely English lyrics. It’s also worth noting that, after the competition, the song went on to reach number 15 in the UK Singles Chart. So, we only have ourselves to blame. 

Picture this – a 36-year-old man dressed in a bright yellow leather jacket surrounded by scantily clad 20-somethings masquerading as schoolgirls, chanting about the struggles of being a teenager. Doesn’t sound quite right does it? Well, that’s what we entered into the Eurovision Song Contest in 2006. 

Despite wannabe rapper Daz Simpson being named as the main contributor in this act, we’d argue that the schoolgirls do most of the work. Doubling as backing singers and dancers, the schoolgirls open, and maintain, the song, with good old Daz shouting out a couple or words over the top here and there. Quite aptly, his rap begins: Dwelling on the past, from back when I was young – with emphasis on the ‘was’ right!

A personal favourite, Scooch took to the stage dressed head to toe in flight attendant outfits, surrounded by airplane seats and paraphernalia. Flying the Flag (for You) was filled with innuendos, such as: Some salted nuts, sir? And Would you like something to suck on for landing, sir? Now with classic lines like that, how did this absolute classic do so badly?!

Although the performance seemed to go down quite well on the night, with eager audience members waving their respective flags along to the song, the scoring was not so enthusiastic. Scooch’s 2007 offering finished joint 22nd, out of 24 entries, receiving just 19 points from neighbouring countries. However, much like Jemini, Flying the Flag reached number five in the UK Top 40 Singles Chart in 2007 – so, better than nothing!