Along with respect, compromise, and trust, communication is among the things that help build a strong relationship and keep it together. Communication barriers often lead to misunderstandings, distrust, and a lack of happiness in a relationship. A rift is slowly created, and with time, things go south, and the relationship is in shambles. It is not unusual for lovers to face communication issues from time to time. However, it is the lack of effective communication that brings partners to such a point in the first place.
This means that many problems in a relationship can be avoided or solved by ensuring an open line of communication from both ends. It means talking about your issues with a clear mind and facing them together despite how ugly they may sound or make you feel. Improving communication can help strengthen the bond and connection between you and your lover, making the relationship healthier.
As if enough hasn’t been said, here are six tips to help improve how you communicate with your lover.
1. Speak Less, Listen More
During heated conversations, you may find one or both partners trying to express their thoughts, emotions, and feelings. When you don’t give your lover a chance to express themselves, and all you do is talk, the conversation can turn into an argument really quickly. The next thing you know, you and your better half are not on talking terms. Listening more than you speak can help avoid these rifts. This is because while doing so, you give them a chance to express themselves, and you also have more time to process what they are saying. You get the bigger picture when you don’t interrupt your partner as he or she speaks.
2. Avoid Bringing Up The Past
When having a conversation with your lover, it is unwise to point out or refer back to ugly pasts. Doing so will only attract a negative response and perhaps end up creating a communication barrier. Unless the issue wasn’t solved, it is best to let it remain in the past.
Bringing up issues from the past may also portray you as unhappy with the relationship. It may communicate that you are unhappy with yourself. Rania Naim from Rebel Love says that happiness comes from within, and even for relationships, no one should let their past mistakes define them. You’ve also done things you were not happy about in the past, so it is only fair to let them go in the case of your partner. Especially if they apologized and were regretful, living in your negative past will only affect things between you in the present. Instead, focus on the matter at hand and talk about it calmly, even if harsh memories creep up in your mind.
3. Increase the Face To Face Conversations
While you will have to communicate through the phone, SMS chats, and emails from time to time, these often have loopholes as far as communication with your lover is concerned. Sometimes the message can be misunderstood even. Unless you are in a long-distance relationship, try to meet your lover and talk face to face about important things that matter to you most. You will have more meaningful conversations this way.
4. Master Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal cues are part of communication wherever you go. They are perhaps even more important in a romantic relationship. For the guys, this is where you should understand her expressions, gestures, and body language, so you know when she has something bothering her or she’s just herself. When having a discussion, try maintaining eye contact and show your emotions using facial expressions where possible. A smile is even more important here. Do not use postures, gestures, or body language that portrays arrogance, disinterest, aggressiveness, or defensiveness.
Each partner should pay close attention to their lover’s nonverbal cues for communication to be more effective and meaningful. The more you get closer, the more both of you will understand each other’s tiny behaviors.
5. Practice Honesty and Genuineness
In a relationship, communication goes hand in hand with trust. For instance, constantly lying to your partner shows a lack of honesty, even if you did it to protect them. It brings trust issues, and with this, a communication rift is born. While at it, also be genuine and honest with your feelings about the relationship.
6. Learn To Suppress Your Anger
If you have anger issues that you don’t know how to control, communication with your lover can be affected. We are all tempted to say or do things we didn’t mean when we get upset, but what is important between your ego and your relationship?
Instead of discussing difficult issues when upset, it is good to talk a walk, get some air, or even wait a day for your anger to cool off. So that it doesn’t appear rude, it is wise to calmly let your partner know that there’s something you are not happy about, and you need a minute to process things. Ugly conversations have to be timed right.
Well, you won’t find a manual that works for all relationships. But some tips here and there can help you stay strong, in love, and happy. The above are just a few that can be helpful.
WRITTEN BY
Daria Brown