Whether you are talking about a physical condition or a mental illness, it is easy to define yourself by it.
You become the person in the wheelchair. On bad days, you may even wonder if you are no more than the piece of furniture that carries you around. Sometimes, it feels as if people don't see you. They only seem to interact with the wheelchair rather than the person sitting in it.
When you mention your mental illness, you wonder if your interlocutor will make an effort to see you rather than focusing on the illness.
You are familiar with positive thinking. But it doesn't matter how often you tell yourself that you are not your illness. Your illness defines you, and therefore, it also becomes a part of you.
Inspirational phrases that pretend that your health condition is a strength or that anyone in a wheelchair is a superhero in disguise are not helpful. How could they help when they are not relatable? Any wheelchair user who's been stuck at the entrance of a building because of a too narrow door knows the wheelchair is more kryptonite than super-power. So how do you stay positive when your illness drags you down?
Find someone who will listen to your story
But finding someone who can listen without trying to judge or share unrequested pieces of advice can be challenging. How many people struggling with depression have heard to "cheer up" as if health issues could be that easily resolved. Should the arm amputee simply grow an arm and the blind open their eyes?
You don't feel isolated because of your emotions or condition. You feel isolated because nobody knows how it feels to be you. That is why talking can create a bridge between you and others. It helps you to reach out and share a piece of your world. Your illness is like painting a canvas in darkness. When you talk about it, you can take the canvas out of the darkness and discover the painting. You can put words on the malaise and give others a glimpse of your everyday experience. More often than not, you can discover that you share significant similarities with others. Sharing stories, especially about mental illness, can help you bridge the gap and commune with others. You are not alone. They understand your pain.
Find the support you need to improve your everyday life
In an ideal world, it would be nice to wave a magic wand and chase away the illness. But while fantasy wizards and witches can overcome their health problems by drinking a little potion to regrow their bones or performing a ritual to remove debilitating birth defects, the real world lacks potion, witchcraft, and infinite power.
However, the real world has something no fantasy adventure has: A legal system that has your back. If you have sustained a handicapping injury in an accident, you can reach out to personal injury lawyers to secure the monetary compensation you need for life-changing equipment. After all, motorized wheelchairs do not come for free.
Similarly, if a regular surgical operation left you with long-lasting consequences that would have otherwise been avoidable, medical malpractice attorneys can help protect your rights and preserve your quality of life. While these do not erase the illness or the handicap, they can offer practical solutions.
The only way you can learn to differentiate yourself from your illness is by putting an end to its limitations. You are your illness when you let your illness decide what you can and can't do. Gaining access to specialist therapy treatments and relying on advanced assistive and mobility technologies can be the equivalent of a Harry Potter's healing spell in the real world. Granted, they do not cancel the illness for good. But they allow you to establish an environment in which your health does not control you.
There is more to me than my illness
You decide who you want to be up to a certain extent. Disability and mental health issues affect a large part of the population. Someone like lifestyle YouTube personality Molly Burke is the first to testify that there's more to her life than her blindness. Burke has an active digital presence where she shares fashion and lifestyle tips with her audience. Visual impairment is a part of her journey, as she's learned to navigate her life without the use of her eyes from a young age.
But, contrary to what media articles claim, Burke is not unstoppable. She's not unstoppable because there was no reason in the first place for her to be stopped by her disability. She is vocal about accessibility technology as she's been using specific tools and gadgets for many years. Burke relies on assistive tech to create video and photo content for her audience. She doesn't think of herself as a blind Youtuber. She is a content creator first. Blindness is not the most memorable part of the story she wants to tell. While she's candid about her sight, she's long been defining her identity through her interests. She's a girl who loves fashion. Granted, she may be blind, but what does that have to do with her love for cute outfits and makeup?
How you choose to perceive yourself is up to you. But, truth be told, if the man in the wheelchair doesn't see past the chair, nobody else will. There can't be more to you than your illness if you don't make room for more.
Be your own cheerleader
Everybody needs a friend who encourages us and cheers for us. A long-term health condition, such as chronic pain, disability, or difficult mental health disorder, is emotionally and mentally draining. Unfortunately, discrimination remains an everyday risk for many individuals. Being mocked for your illness hurts, and being rejected because of it can make you feel vulnerable.
Yet, unfair treatment will carry on as long as you allow it. Disability Rights are not a novelty in the United States. The earliest the country acknowledged disabilities was during the Revolutionary War to guarantee pension to the wounded veterans. A fair and positive portrayal of disabilities in the mainstream media is crucial to fight off negative images. For example, Ray Charles played a huge role in shutting down disability talks. Countless advocates defended their rights to happiness, employment, transport, and much more. People such as the founder of Autism Network International, Jim Sinclair, explained in a 1993 speech that parents of an autistic child should not express a sense of loss. The speech carries on with an iconic line: "Don't mourn for us. We are alive. We are real." Indeed, making sure your disability doesn't play in your disfavor begins with yourself.
As Sinclair showed, you need to be the first to believe in your worth because even those close to you may not do it. Being respected, heard, and listened to starts with you. The ADA defines your rights against unfair discrimination. But you need to pick yourself up in the face of adversity. You need to cheer for yourself first if you want others to do it. While nothing will prevent bullies from targeting you, it is worth remembering that bullies are only as loud as you are silent.
In a complex world where illnesses can have long-term effects on people, it's important to remember that you are not your illness. Support is available to those who need it, whether it is emotional, legal, or assistive. Nothing can remove your illness. Yet, why would you want to remove something you can already live with? In the end, the only person who can set you free is yourself.
