The toughest thing about the holiday season for so many of us is that we have got to retreat back to an environment that we spent many years getting away from. Conflict is, unfortunately, something many people expect, especially during Christmas time, and this is why, whether it's about interpersonal relationships experiencing pressures or having to head back to spend Christmas day with family members, there is a lot of relationship conflict that can occur. This is why it's so important to minimize relationship conflict where possible. Let's show you some approaches.
Firstly, Examine Your Attitudes to the Situation
Sometimes, we go back to our childhood home because it's Christmas, and we feel we must go back to the environment. However, if you spent your childhood running from numerous interpersonal conflicts, you have got to consider what that is going to do, not just for yourself, but for the family unit. The toughest thing in any family dynamic is you going back with that sense of forgiveness, however, you may be welcomed in, but the pressure cooker already started because of the fact that you decided to return home, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
It could stem from an incident that occurred years ago that's taken a long time to get over. People make mistakes, and in relationships, there can be tensions that can result in the police being called out, and potentially someone spending a night in the cell, as well as the myriad of legal issues, such as bail and the online bail bonds procedure, but the fact is that your dignity must override whether you owe it to your family to spend Christmas day with them.
There is a reason many families don't stay in contact with each other throughout the year, purely because they rub each other up the wrong way. You have to decide if going back home, even if it is for a day, is actually going to cause issues, not just to your sense of pride or sense of self, but to the entire family unit.
Recognizing Your Stress Triggers
This is something you can do way in advance of the holiday events themselves. Whether you've got children or you are returning to your in-laws for Christmas, it's important that everybody understands what makes them stressed. Conflict arises from a variety of stressors, and we can find ourselves feeling frustrated because we had a strong emotional or physiological response in the past. Sometimes, it can be to do with our own level of stress, but it can also be because of the season itself.
It's nothing new that holiday stress, especially in the run-up to Christmas, can cause a lot of conflict on the day itself. There's a lot more pressure on everyone these days, which is why we must bring in specific stress reduction tactics, not just so we can benefit on Christmas Day itself, but can benefit in life. This is also something you could talk about with your partner. If they help you understand your history, they could be more sensitive to your triggers. There can also be personal triggers, but the fact is that once you recognize these triggers, you must share them.
Many people don't feel they should share things because they may worry that this puts a dampener on the jolly season. It's not about your partner treading on eggshells with you because this can only cause resentment, but it's about ensuring that you share, and if you need to step away, it is justified.
Making a Plan
The best thing you can do to minimize any sense of conflict with family members or your significant other is to make a plan. In relationships, we can all feel that sense of guilt where we're not actually listening to what they are saying. If one of you experiences anxieties because of the holiday season, either because of something that occurred in the past around the same time or you have a flawed relationship with your family, the best thing you can do, either in your head or with your partner is to make a plan.
We can get called out for not noticing anxieties, which can result in interrelationship conflicts. This is why we should all practice the skill of active listening. There's a lot that we can do to ensure that we have a working relationship that we can try throughout the holiday season. There are a lot of expectations around the holiday season, which is why we must discuss plans but also put an emotional or psychological plan in place. Sometimes, we can easily fall in with the other person because they are used to holiday traditions and spending time as a family, but of course, if you have had the same traditions, it's about being validated and listening to each other's ideas.
Even if you have not spent Christmas with your family because of your partner over the last few years, it's about having that balance where you are helping each other feel validated. We can easily feel resentment if we've done everything our partner wanted to do over the last few years, which is why it is so important for you to give respect to the process of speaking your minds and setting boundaries.
Practicing Mindfulness and Destressing Techniques
It is an oft-used tool, however, mindfulness can play a big part in how you manage conflict within families, but also within your head. When we start to refocus our senses so we can reduce anxiety and stress, we place more importance on the season and make everything more enjoyable.
As stressful as preparing for Christmas can be, when we've got a lot of things to do, whether it's Christmas parties, or having to prepare presents, or even the stress that we may have got the wrong type of present for a significant other, it's hardly surprising that Christmas Day itself either overwhelms us or we relax into it. Mindfulness tactics come in different shapes and sizes. In terms of mindfulness for partners and relationships, you need to spend time together where you can just enjoy each other's company without feeling like you need to talk.
A walk outside in the snow is a very simple thing, but spending time in nature allows all your senses to be present in the moment, and you can benefit from taking deep breaths. It is so simple but so effective. When you start to practice the right types of breathing techniques for you, you start to feel the benefits in many different ways.
We must remember that stress can be a physiological response, as well as an emotional one. When we use tactics such as the Wim Hof breathing method or box breathing, the importance of practicing these things helps us to increase our tolerance level. Many of us can feel that we are rushing around in the run-up to Christmas, and as tensions are high, we start to feel that spill over into our lives.
When we conduct mindfulness practices, we are practicing the skill of being calm which is going to help us in our relationships, in the holiday season, and in our lives.
Take Responsibility for Your Part of the Conflict
It's easy for us to be defensive and place blame, but we have got to be honest and understand that if we are taking something out on a partner, we must understand what we contributed was not productive. If you are sorry about what happened, you must offer a sincere apology, and it's important that, even if conflict arises, we practice accountability and take responsibility for what we've done. It's never easy, and even if there are outside stressors that cause us to react in a certain way, we must also understand the power of stepping away from a situation.
Because we have to recognize our stressors, and also need to be sure that if something is heading in the wrong direction, understand our part in the process.
It can be a very stressful time, and while your partner may be feeling the same, the fact is that if it's gotten this far and you started to feel frustrated or angry, owning up is so difficult, but so important. There is also no shame in stepping away if you recognize that the environment is too much. We can feel guilty that we have stepped away, especially if we have grown frustrated on Christmas Day, but this is where we need to regain more perspective.
We need to understand that conflict is part and parcel of the season in some people's eyes, and at the end of the day, we only have control over our feelings. We can benefit from learning to feel calmer and also have a renewed sense of perspective. It's the holiday season, therefore, it won't last long. We can have major expectations about the holiday season, and sometimes, it's best just to do away with these because if we've been busy all year and expect Christmas to be by the miracle of all miracles, we are only going to get disappointed.
