Having it all is a tall order - and being a career-driven woman is chock full of challenges. So how do we put the pieces together in order to have it all?
Over my career as an attorney, I have served in various roles - from general counsel to head of human resources to chair of the board. Currently, I serve as Chief Legal Officer/Data Protection Officer at Workhuman, a company with the mission to “empower humans to recognize each other and create a people-first culture that drives business forward.”
In addition to that, I am also a single mother of three; and I am intimately acquainted with the battle for balance between my home life and my work life. But I truly believe that women can have it all, but to have it all, they need to show up in their wholeness, and they need to embrace their authenticity.
Women often feel like they have to put on a mask in the workplace to be respected and effective. I sure did. But what most women and I may not understand is that without authenticity, there can be no honesty and no true growth.
Women often feel like they have to put on a mask in the workplace to be respected and effective. I sure did. But what most women and I may not understand is that without authenticity, there can be no honesty and no true growth.
If women are continually wrapped up pretending to be someone they are not, someone they can never be, they will never truly succeed and never find balance and contentment in their lives.
Balance is key to finding happiness and contentment in various aspects of our lives, including work, parenting, friendships, and, yes, life partners. Can women have it all? Most certainly. Is it difficult to get to that point? Yes, it is.
I personally know how hard it is to achieve this balance, and I am constantly recalibrating it. A few years ago, I was completely out of alignment with my authentic self. I was successful and putting together an enviable career - but something was missing.
Turns out, I was simply going through the motions. I held everything in, I hid my anger and strife about work from coworkers. The emotions, the resentment, the guilt, and the anger were all held at bay by a carefully crafted, confident façade. By all outward appearances, I seemed to have it all together. To them, I had a perfect marriage, with three amazing children and a wonderful home life, when in reality, I was living a lie.
Eventually, my lack of authenticity began eating me from the inside out. I realized I wasn’t being honest with myself or any of my coworkers about my life and how I felt. I was always angry, even when things turned out the way I had hoped. I soon realized the more I struggled to hide it and internalize my real feelings, the more anxious I became, the more my guilt ate away at me, and the more miserable I was.
Then I began to grant myself the liberty to feel freely, to be honest about the emotional turmoil roiling away inside me. I began to acknowledge it was okay to feel angry and resentful. It was okay to call B.S. when I saw it happening in the workplace. I was no longer the doormat or the ‘yes woman’ and no longer afraid to be the voice of dissension.
While it was a bit unwelcomed at first, I didn’t let it sway me from being authentic, from being the truest form of myself. It was no longer 1950, and there was no reason a woman in the workplace had to act like it was.
Every woman in business has this internal struggle. What parts of their concerns can they manifest at work, and what parts do they have to keep hidden away. This is what I learned. If we keep hiding, we will never step into our true power.
In many ways, we are our own worst enemies. Women at the top make it look easy. That’s the mask they are wearing. But I am here to tell you it’s not easy. And I don’t think other women should keep up the facade of trying to make it look easy.
Admitting the defeats, the bad days, and the mistakes are part of what gives all humans inner strength. Not letting those mistakes or missteps define who we are means not giving up and continuing to show gratitude for the blessings that keep them balanced.
So how do you go about making changes for yourself? Start by assessing your feelings at work. Initially, it can help to keep a notepad handy, and every time you find yourself suppressing the urge to speak out about something, make a note about it.
By the end of the week and by the end of the month, take a look at the notepad, and you’ll have an idea how frequently you suppress your authentic feelings. When we see and acknowledge how often we do it, we have a clearer understanding of how much of our true selves we keep hidden inside.
It’s also handy to take a gut check. How many nights you return home and find yourself so riled up, you deprive the people you love of your true self? How many Monday mornings do you feel physically depleted or even sick that you have to face the workweek?
If you are feeling any of this dread or turmoil, can you honestly say you are working to the best of your ability? If you really want to take control of yourself, your career, and your home life, you need to break free from the restrictions you have placed on yourself or have been placed on you by others.
If you really want to take control of yourself, your career, and your home life, you need to break free from the restrictions you have placed on yourself or have been placed on you by others.
It is only when you liberate your true self that you will have the fortitude and forbearance to begin your ascent up the corporate ladder and be an independent, free-thinking force to be reckoned with. Give it a shot.
