Being single is great. But being in a loving relationship is even better (at least for most people). Having someone there who genuinely has your back and is willing to suffer for you is a wonderful thing.
The problem is this: getting someone like that is challenging. Many people have the raw personalities to do it, but relationships are two-way. And sometimes, we as individuals, screw things up.
One of the problems is that we do things we know are wrong. Nobody can help us with those things, except ourselves. But we also accept many of the myths of the culture. We believe certain things about romantic relationships, believing they are true.
A healthy relationship has certain features. For instance, you’re able to respectfully disagree with your partner about key issues. You have a meaningful connection with them, but you also keep outside interests alive.
Unhealthy relationships often have false beliefs or expectations underlying them. And that’s when people get into trouble.
Here are some of the myths that might trip you up when dating.
Women’s Emotions Are Different From Men’s
Ask any dating coach for men and they’ll tell you that men have all the same emotions as women. It’s just that they express them in a different way. For men, anger tends to come out physically, while for women, it’s more internal.
When approaching someone, consider the way their gender is likely to impact their emotional state. Prepare yourself for their different approach to life on an emotional level. Make sure that you understand where they are coming from and what they expect the relationship to yield. It might not always be the same as you.
Disagreements Are Always Bad For Relationships
We have this notion in the West that couples need to be similar to each other. They have to have the same beliefs, ideas, and motivations. But that’s just not true. You don’t have to agree on everything with your partner. In fact, too much agreement could be a bad thing.
The trick here is to get the balance right while giving the person you’re dating some space to be their own person. Furthermore, you’ll want to see conflict as a way to help your relationship grow. Sometimes, arguments can help you refine who you are as a person and move forward positively and productively.
Physical Attraction Fades Over Time
The idea that physical attraction fades over time is built into us by a society that loves novelty. We want new things, including new people.
But if you get into a good long-term relationship with someone you genuinely love, you’ll discover that attraction doesn’t actually fade as much as you think. In fact, in some cases, it can grow stronger. Many people actually become more attractive as they get older and sexier.
True Love Is Constant
We believe that we need to feel love for our partners 100 percent of the time. If there’s a dip in our love level, that’s a sign that something isn’t quite right.
But again, these sorts of feelings are totally normal. Some days, you’ll feel on top of the world about your partner, and other days, they will let you down.
The trick here is to manage your expectations. Just like you, they’re a person. And like you, they have their limitations.
You Can Change Things About Your Partner
Unfortunately, you can’t change things about your partner. The way they are is more than likely going to be constant. And even if they do change, it’ll be something they do themselves.
People can change, but as a romantic partner, your job is to step back and let their lives develop naturally. You don’t want to live in a relationship hoping they will change and they never do. That’s not a good place to be.
It can also put a strain on the relationship. A partner might worry that you don’t accept them the way they are.
If someone you are dating is doing something genuinely destructive, you are always free to walk away. If you can’t tolerate something, be honest with yourself.
It’s Better To Have A Relationship Than None At All
Relationships can enhance your life tremendously. But it’s a myth to believe that it is better to have a bad one than none at all. In fact, it’s considerably worse.
Don’t fall into the trap of pressuring yourself to get into a relationship. Even if there are issues with your family, resist the call to snap up the first eligible bachelor that comes your way.
Forced relationships don’t always work out. You want a partner that naturally aligns with you and will be with you for the long term.
Lack Of Attraction Is A Bad Sign On A First Date
Another myth is that a lack of attraction on a first date is a bad sign. Just because you don’t want to jump into bed with a partner immediately, doesn’t mean feelings won’t grow. It takes a while to become physically and emotionally comfortable with someone, often several weeks or months. And it’s not always just about the way a person looks. Other things, like their intellect or smell can also make a big difference when it comes to attraction.
If there’s genuine chemistry, sex will happen. Just keep an open mind. Attraction will develop naturally over time.
Intelligent People Are The Best
Finding someone who is super intelligent is exciting. But psychologists argue that going for someone who is curious is probably a better strategy. Intelligent people often get stuck in their ways and have strong opinions on things. Curious people, on the other hand, are always growing as people. They want to learn new things about you, themselves, and the world around them.
If you're someone who holds onto strong opinions, you’ll want a curious partner to question and probe, while avoiding continuous conflict. You could even learn something from them.
So there you have it: some of the dating myths you’ll want to avoid. Don’t fall into the trap of believing your partner has to be perfect.
