Real Housewife Cary Deuber on Being Real on Reality TV

Real Housewife Cary Deuber

On Being Real on Reality TV

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Real Housewife of Dallas, Cary Deuber may seem a picture perfect television personality, but she’s not afraid to be real.  In fact, the refreshingly honest beauty, who is also a registered nurse, describes herself as the “anti-reality” star, and shows surprising candor for someone who lives her life in the spotlight. Known for being equal parts outspoken and laid back, SWAAY spoke to Deuber about her passion for medicine, what it’s like working with her husband (also her business partner), and the reality behind reality show life.

“I think I’m the only one of original cast who’s never been on TV before,” says Deuber, a self-proclaimed workaholic, who chatted with us while on her work break for the interview. “It seems everyone has been on some kind of show, or they were a cheerleader or in the entertainment industry, and I had not.”

Despite being surprised with the offer to star on the show (via a Bravo representative who contacted her on social media), Deuber says that she has embraced the platform, and rather than getting tied up in the drama, is focused on creating a meaningful experience.

Cary and husband, Mark

“It’s not every day Bravo comes knocking your door with cameras,” says the mom of three (Deuber has one daughter with her husband Mark, a plastic surgeon, as well as two stepsons). 

“I went through the process and so far it’s been a good experience. Reality TV for me is empowering, but it depends on what you do with it. For me, it’s to help other women.”

-Cary Deuber

When it comes to filming, Deuber says she’s actually quite comfortable around the cameras, as is her spirited daughter, Zuri. “The camera guys tell you when they are going to come to your house, so you know they are going to be there,” she says. “Now I’m used to it. Zuri loves it because she has people to play with. “

And, for those wondering if the show is in any way pre-written, Deuber says think again. “I wish it was scripted; it’s not,” laughs Deuber. “I have to be clever and witty on demand, but I’m exhausted because I’m a mom. I’m not an actress, even though a a lot of the ladies are.”

And about those ladies, who have been known to create some cat fights in Dallas, Deuber says she is trying to navigate the drama without getting too caught up.

“It can be stressful when someone screams at you,” says Deuber. “A lot of it is jealousy, because someone gets to do this or that [on camera], and I really don’t have time for that. I guess I’m in a way the anti-reality reality star and I’ll probably get fired for being too down to earth. Am I supposed to start acting like a nasty bitch because a lot of other people do? That’s just not me. I’ve dated a lot of celebrities and professional athletes and can tell you that they weren’t assholes. You don’t have to be one just because you’re famous.”

Deuber, who was raised on the east coast, works alongside Mark at the Dallas Plastic Surgery Practice, and in her 20-year career has lead multiple medical missions abroad, helping operate on on cleft lips and palates through an organization called ConnectMed International. “I use my platform for good, which is the opportunity and the silver lining,” she says. 

“When I started [filming] I said ‘it can’t be harder than operating on people,’ but in reality some of it can be. Dealing with different personalities and girls that don’t like you and you might not like either was a real learning curve for me. I’ve learned how to have thicker skin, and learned who my real friends are.”

The Baylor undergrad, who studied vascular and trauma surgery, says she “loves operating” and is, unsurprisingly a sewing aficionado. Working with her husband, she says is mostly a positive experience, but ultimately it “depends on the day,” Deuber adds with a laugh. “We’ve been married for eight years and have worked together a long time, so we are just in the groove. You will see the progression through the season. Honestly, working with him is great and I get to see my best friend at work, which simplifies the process for our patients.”

In terms of the growing trend of injectables and cosmetic procedures-of which Deuber is an outspoken fan-she says women should remember that even just a little change can make a big difference in terms of a woman’s confidence.

“It can be so empowering for women,” says Deuber, who gets regular Botox and actually injects her own lips with fillers for a plumper looking pout. “As a woman the pressure is high. You want to look good, and not just for men, it’s for yourself. Just a little bit of Botox can be a game changer. As you get older you lose fat in the face and just a little bit of filler can make you look natural. It’s important to take care of yourself because we are living longer than we used to.”

Regarding her new-found fame, Deuber, who describes herself as casual and yoga-obsessed, remains nonplussed. “I don’t feel like I’m famous,” she says.

Cary and Mark

“People recognize me,” she says, continuing – “but most don’t come up to me. I’m pretty incognito; my hair is usually in a bun, with nothing on my face and my glasses on, and I think that’s empowering.”

In terms of what sets Dallas apart from the other Real Housewives filming locales, which are filled with table flipping, wine throwing and other dramatic escapades, Deuber, who was born in Connecticut and lived in Ohio previously, says her adopted city is all about individuality, which translates perfectly to the small screen.

Cary Deuber

“I’m a melting pot type of person,” says Deuber. “I like to convey that everyone here is different. Everyone has their own personality, and makes their own contribution to the show. Even the people that I don’t get along with, I’m glad they are on the show, because it’s relatable.”

The Quick 10

1. What app do you use the most

Postmates.

2. What do you do first thing in the morning?

Pee. Ha!

3. Name a business mogul you admire.

My husband.

4. What product do you wish you had invented?

A contour/highlighting kit, or Botox.

5. What or who is your spirit animal?

My daughter because she has so much energy. and she does yoga in public without caring what anyone else thinks.

6. What movie can you watch over and over again without getting bored of it?

Sex And The City and the Devil Wears Prada (which is also my husband’s favorite movie).

7. What is your favorite work day snack?

I don’t snack ever. OK I lied, I just had mixed nuts.

8. What’s your go-to cocktail order?

Grey Goose soda with an orange wedge.

9. What’s the most inspiring place you’ve traveled to?

Switzerland.

10. Desert island, three things go.

My husband, even though I’d probably want to kill him; a Swiss Army Knife, and a water filter (I was a Girl Scout). I’d like to say Botox, but it wouldn’t be practical.

Belisa Silva

Belisa is an editor with more than 10 years of experience. Prior to SWAAY, she worked as freelance writer, covering lifestyle, fashion and beauty industries. Belisa was a Market Editor at Women's Wear Daily for five years, where she interviewed rockstar business women like Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Lopez and Iman. Belisa also contributes to Cosmetic Executive Women, where she highlights female executives making an impact in the beauty industry.

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